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24 Awesomely brilliant drunken thoughts

Common wisdom says alcohol facilitates honest discussions, and sharing true feelings and emotions between people. Alcohol is also able to facilitate make unusual connections inside your own brain, which can lead to greatness!
 
Here are some examples of brilliant drunken thoughts that popped around old pubs’ counters
“The object of golf is to play the least amout of golf.”
 
“Last night my friend asked to use a USB port to charge his cigarette,
but I was using it to charge my book.
The future is stupid.”
drunk man
“April Fool’s Day is the one day of the year when people
critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true.”

old man drinkingSource: http://www.worldwideweirdnews.com/

 
“Netflix needs an incognito mode
so that I can watch terrible films
without getting recommended more terrible films.”
“There should be confetti in tires
so when there is a blow out
it’s still kind of an okay day.”
“The Bachelor” is a show about a man dating multiple women at once that is primarily watched by women who hate men who date multiple women at once.”
“Of all the bodily functions that could be contagious,
thank god it’s the yawn.”
“DO NOT TOUCH” is the most unsettling thing to read in braille.”
 
“If you go to jail for tax evasion,
you’re living off of taxes as a result of not paying taxes.”
 
“Almost every hand I’ve ever shaken has had a dick in it.”
 
“If you aren’t at least a little ashamed of your country’s history,
you don’t know your country’s history.”
 
“American journalism has gotten to the point that
readers are criticized for not fact checking news articles.”
 
“The best item to protect you from sasquatch attacks is a camera.”
 
“Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards
creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?”
 
“Bushing your teeth is the only time you clean your skeleton.”
 
“A bachelor party is more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.”
 
“I’ve woken up over 10,000 times and I’m still not used to it”
 
“Most orchestras are just 1800’s cover bands.”
 
“If self-driving cars kick in fast enough,
Women may never be able to drive in Saudi Arabia.”
 
“Humans are really bad at recharging,
it takes about 8 hours charge for 16 hours of use.”
 
“what are snails even trying to do?”
 
“My car keys have traveled more than my car”
 
“If someone farts at a poker tournament,
no one will ever know who did it.”
 
“You could seriously piss off your neighbours
by buying a puppy and naming it the same as their child.”